Written on the road:
“I think putting ourselves in uncomfortable positions is one of the most important opportunities we can give ourselves. Quit playing it safe and staying comfortable because the most rewarding and spectacular moments come from leaving that zone we feel most secure in.
When you allow yourself to ignore difficult situations and stay in your comfort zone forever, you miss out on those opportunities that you not only learn from, but that change your life. The opportunities and outcomes that are complete unknowns are the ones that truly move us. When we scare ourselves, make ourselves uncomfortable, put ourselves in positions of vulnerability, or make selfish decisions that in-turn dissatisfy others, we are living more than when we follow the rules and do what we are told is normal.
I feel as though I have made few decisions in my life that I truly believe negatively influenced or inconvenienced people; at least not intentionally. Recently, I did just that. I took a chance on a sudden opportunity. By saying yes to this opportunity I made other peoples’ lives more difficult. A large part of me feels terrible about that. I apologize. I apologize for the inconvenience that I have caused for certain people.
But, I do not apologize for making the decision that I did.
There are times in our life when we will whole-heartedly feel as though we are supposed to do something, to make a certain decision. During these moments it will be a challenge to weigh the consequences, but typically when everything inside of you is telling you to make a certain move, the consequences will be worth it. This is how I felt about my recent decision.
This was not an easy choice for me, but as I sit here in a snowstorm in an RV with a new friend who was just barely a stranger a couple days ago, my fingers and toes are freezing to numbness, I am in a barren town called Panguitch in Southern Utah, and I continue to move my pen, as I see my freezing fingers barely capable of holding on. I know that I did the right thing, and I know that this will move me.
If you were to tell me a week ago that this is where I would be, I would smile and say “I wish”. I would probably also say “If an opportunity were to arise, I would take it”. These words would have come out of my mouth half confidently, as I imagine in the back of my mind the barriers that may halt such an opportunity.
But, here I am. The opportunity presented itself. And I took it. It was terrifying. It shook me in ways I was not familiar with. This opportunity made me realize the unknowns that were right in front of me. This opportunity made me realize that I love certain places and people. Most importantly this opportunity made me realize and truly understand the power of my decisions, and the certainty that would have been in my voice a week ago, if asked “Would you go?”. The half confident “yes” would have been just a mirage of undeniable hope that I would go. But the other half was certainty. Certainty in my adventurous soul and my dream to see everything and experience every opportunity presented to me.
I love the place I live. I love the people who are there, the people I have met and the people I know I will meet there. I love all of the opportunities that I have had in the past nine months in Breckenridge, and even throughout my whole life. This is my home for now, and I love so many aspects about it, that leaving for even a short amount of time really made me feel things I did not even know yet.
I left so spontaneously that I put people in a difficult decision. I feel guilty and definitely upset with myself for doing that, but I had to put my life into perspective. I knew I had to be selfish this time.
I am 23 years old. I have not made a whole lot of intentional life “mistakes”. I am a people pleaser and I try not to do things wrong or put people in difficult situations, especially at work. I did all of that this time. I think it will be okay though. I think we all need to make mistakes in order to mature. I think we also need to be selfish once in a while. Not always, but sometimes. Because, if we do not take time to please ourselves ever so often, what is the point in living our own life?
We are here, on this planet for a reason. All of us. If we disregard the opportunities that make us feel alive, what is the use in living anyway. We are here for other people, but mostly we are here to live the one life given to us.
When we take everything too seriously, and when we avoid obstacles rather than trekking through them, we miss out on the difficult terrain that really teaches us the most important lessons, gives us our most significant traits, and we learn to push through the ugly, and working hard to get through the ugly makes the beauty infinitely more breath-taking”.
There is so much to see and I am so thankful.
I made a promise to myself a while back, that if an opportunity to travel was given to me, I would never say no. Again, half confident, but fully committed. I will say yes. I have to. I believe that it is my reason to be on this planet. My reason to be here is to follow and understand the intuition inside of me. To live a fully safe life is not an option for me. I have too many admirations and appreciations, and I must fulfill them by taking chances that the common person would not take. If I do one thing with my life, it will be to live, to truly live my life to its fullest potential. I will struggle and cry but I will also be moved and smile. I will breathe and embrace this crazy beautiful world with everything inside of me.