Just now, I had a minor epiphany and realized that I am only 22 years old and I have the ability to do anything I want with my life. I have lived my life, for as long as I can remember, trying to impress. Impress myself and make myself feel good about who I am or who I want to be. Impress my parents by getting good grades. Impress my friends with who knows what, because lets be honest it actually takes work to have friends, sometimes. Impress teachers, employers, grandparents, strangers. We are constantly hoping to impress people. Whether it is impressing the person you have a crush on, or impressing your potential boss in an interview, we are pretty much constantly afraid of not being good enough.
I struggle with not looking good enough. Self image is hard. Fat days vs skinny days. Bad hair days vs good ones. An old warn out shirt that you always know you look good in, or wearing a new shirt that is a little edgy, and you know you like it but you are afraid people might “judge” you for wearing it. I always have a voice in the back of my head telling me I am not good enough or I don’t look good enough. How do we silence that voice and just feel good. Damn, shouldn’t we just be allowed to feel good?
Feeling good stems from doing good, realizing and doing what makes you happy. Ignore the voice in your head that tells you that you are afraid of what other people might think. You will feel good when you do what makes you happy. You will not feel good when you do what you think will make other people happy. I am slowly but very surely learning this.
The most obvious example for me was when I ate a donut yesterday. For as long as I can remember, I have “not liked donuts”. I have just always said that, ever since I was little. I just told people I didn’t like donuts. Maybe at some point I didn’t. But then I never really tried them again. I have a degree in nutrition, and I am health conscious. I always just said I didn’t like donuts to seem healthier than I probably am for real. I have tried eating vegan, restricting sweets, gluten-free; you name it and I have probably tried eliminating it because it is “unhealthy”. But what I have recently deemed to be the most unhealthy is restriction and guilt. Never restrict yourself from doing something that makes you happy, and never feel guilty for doing what makes you feel good. If you want it, get after it. Yesterday I was at a local coffee shop with my mom and there was a wild berry donut that caught my eye. Past, restrictive me would have shunned it immediately. But I decided I wanted it and I got it. It was delicious. I did not regret it for a second and I ate it with a smile on my face, feeling good.
Moral of the donut story is to just do you, be you and keep your happy alive people, because you only live once and there is no time for shame, especially if what you are doing makes you FEEL GOOD.